


Her Father's Daughter

by Jewsters1986



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Death, F/M, Father/Daughter, Manga Spoilers, POV First Person, POV Third Person, Promises, Season 2, Time changes, abusive grandfather, feels...lots of feels, long lost parent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-11 06:19:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13518321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jewsters1986/pseuds/Jewsters1986
Summary: With Shiganshina reclaimed, the Survey Corps finds themselves severely culled in numbers.After, visiting her parents grave, F/n l/n, the daughter Mike Zacharius never knew existeduntil a month before his death finds herself reminiscing about her life and the short time shehad with her estranged father.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is currently on hold, but I will be resuming writing it as soon as I'm done with some of my other works.

_Year 851:_   
  
_“As long as you keep putting up a fight...you haven’t been beaten.”_   
  
_This was the last thing my father had said to me before he..._   
_I was no fool, I understood fully what he meant and to this day, I continue to live my life by that advice._   
_Part of me still wonders if he knew he was going to die after telling me that, if he did, he never let it show on his features as he gently brushed my hair back behind my ear and smiled at me._   
_Even though he was only in my life for a just over a month, it was long enough for a close bond to form and for that, I will be thankful for the rest of my life._   
_“I promised you I’d find him Mum.”_   
_Lower lip trembling uncontrollably, I felt tears sting my eyes as I continued to gaze down at the gravestone before me, reading the two names that had been carved into it._   
_Life can be cruel...oh so cruel, but also beautiful._   
  
_“F/n?”_   
_I swallowed down the lump in my throat and blinked back my tears, exhaling deeply and forcing a smile, I turned to look behind me._   
_“Commander Hanji.”_   
_“It’s time to head back to HQ, we have an expedition tomorrow and I need everyone in top form.”_   
_“Of course.” I nodded, turning my attention back to the gravestone and hearing the ground rustle beneath the commander’s feet when she moved to stand at my side._   
_Glancing to my right for a split second, I caught sight of the small sad smile that tugged at her lips.  
_ _A black patch shielded her damaged left eye, however I knew there was a look of sorrow contained within her remaining soft brown orb.  
_ _She had known my father well, having served with him for many years and part of the reason that I had found him, something which I was indebted to her for.  
_ _“I miss him too, but we cannot afford to let our personal grudges cloud our judgement.” She muttered softly, keeping her gaze firmly fixed on the object before her. “If this expedition is a success, then we will be one step closer to finally revealing the truth that has been shielded from us for the past century.”  
_ _“All thanks to Jaeger.” I replied, furrowing my brows and feeling my heart start to race within my chest in anticipation of what was to come. I deliberately ignored the first part of her speech, not out of disrespect, but because I knew she was right.  
_ _If I allowed my thirst for revenge to consume me, then I was likely to make a grave error and endanger not only myself and my comrades, but the civilians we fought so hard to protect...I would not allow that to happen.  
_ _“Are you ready?”  
_ _“Yes Commander.”  
_ _Placing a hand on my shoulder, Hanji nodded and gently patted it before walking away, giving me a few more moments alone to say goodbye to my parents.  
_ _Holding my head high, I saluted the gravestone.  
_ _“I’ll make you both proud, I promise.”  
_ _Turning around and walking away, I followed the commander to where our horses were patiently waiting for us at the simple wooden hitching post near the entrance to the cemetery.  
_ _I may die tomorrow, or the next day...or the day after that...who knew?  
_ _I could survive whatever battles lay ahead and live a long life, whatever would be would be, but I would always remember the words I swore to live and die by four years ago._

_“As long as you keep putting up a fight...you haven’t been beaten.”  
The last words of Section Commander Mike Zacharius, my father._


	2. Chapter 2

_Year 851:  
  
After accompanying Commander Hanji back to the Survey Corps headquarters on horseback, we were greeted by a short raven haired male upon arrival._  
 _"Levi." Smiled Hanji, dismounting her horse and handing the reins over to one of the few remaining scouts who currently stood with him. "Eren."_  
 _"Hanji." Nodded Levi in a bored monotone voice, sparing me a momentary glance but not speaking._  
 _"Commander." Replied Eren with a small sympathetic smile, turning to look at me a second later. "F/n."_  
 _"Eren." I acknowledged neutrally, dismounting my horse and pulling the thin leather reins over its head._  
 _"Don't forget you two, there's an expedition brief after evening meal." Said Hanji._  
 _"Yes Commander, we'll be there."_  
 _"Shall we then Captain?" Asked Hanji, gesturing for Levi to follow her back into the castle, I suspected the reason he had been waiting for her return was due to some urgent regimental business._  
 _Once they had departed, Eren and I slowly walked across the courtyard and made our way towards the stables._  
  
 _The once noisy and bustling castle where the Survey Corps had once been stationed was now a shadow of its former self._  
 _There had been no new recruits passing through its doors since the Battle of Shiganshina twelve months ago which decimated the regiment, culling its numbers from two hundred soldiers to a mere ten._  
 _Commander Hanji and Captain Levi, the two remaining veteran scouts, had been more focused on retaking Wall Maria than recruiting._  
 _Still, this move proved rewarding when the titans still roaming the lands beyond Wall Rose were finally destroyed and humanity was once again able to reclaim its lost territory._  
 _Now thanks to new information recovered from Eren's basement after the battle, we were to prepare an expedition to set out beyond Wall Maria and search for this mysterious location known as "the ocean."_  
 _"You're pretty quiet f/n." Muttered Eren cautiously, emerald eyes full of concern when I slowly turned to look at him. "Are you okay?"_  
 _"I'm fine." I answered nonchalantly, shrugging my shoulders and resuming giving my full attention to where I was going._  
 _"A um...a letter that arrived not long after you left yesterday morning." He continued, swallowing hard at the tenseness between us. "Commander Hanji had Mikasa leave it in your dormitory on the bed."_  
 _"Thanks, I appreciate it."_  
 _The conversation came to an end after that, clearly he understood I was in no mood to talk and we continued to walk to the stables in silence._  
  
 _Upon returning to my dormitory, I was relieved to find it deserted._  
 _Closing the door behind me, I slowly made my way over to my bunk and frowned at the letter neatly placed atop my pillow._  
 _Sitting down and retrieving it, I turned the envelope over and raised my eyebrows in silent surprise at the official government seal stamped into the blood red wax._  
 _This letter was by no means unexpected, but at the same time, I was starting to lose hope at hearing a response._  
 _Holding my breath, I carefully broke the seal and opened the envelope, pulling out the large piece of folded paper contained within it and exhaling deeply upon reading the neat handwriting._  
 _However before I could continue to look through the finer details of the correspondence, a knock on the dormitory door disturbed me._  
 _"Come in."_  
 _Looking up, I was greeted by Commander Hanji's head poking through the small gap._  
 _"Sorry Sweetie, not disturbing you am I?" She inquired, a smile tugging at her lips. "I saw you return and just wanted to check up on you...ah good, you found the letter! It arrived yesterday morning after you left, I had Mikasa bring it up here for you."_  
 _"Yeah, Eren told me." I nodded. "Thanks for that."_  
 _"So, is it what I think it is?" She continued, slowly making her way towards me and leaning against the wooden frame of the bunk, shaking her head and frowning a second later. "Sorry, I shouldn't have asked that."_  
 _"It's fine." I sighed, focusing once more on the letter and continuing to read from where I had left off. "To answer your question, yes it is. I am now officially F/n Zacharius."_  
 _"Well then, congratulations."_  
 _"I appreciate you and Captain Levi confirming that my father didn't deny I was his daughter, since...you know..."_  
 _"It's what he would've wanted." She said firmly. "He was shocked at first to discover that the two of you were father and daughter, but he did have his suspicions...as we both know."_  
 _I allowed myself a light giggle upon remembering how the two of us had come to discover that we were connected by blood, it certainly hadn't been how I expected it to come about, but it had been a relief to finally know the truth._  
 _"Right, well..." Said Hanji, clearing her throat and standing up straight. "I'd better return to my office and prepare for the expedition brief."_  
 _"Of course." I nodded. "See you later Commander."_  
 _Watching as she exited the dormitory and closed the door behind her, I monetarily returned my attention to the letter in my hands and stared at it intensely._  
 _Clicking my tongue thoughtfully, I carefully folded it and walked over to the row of wooden storage lockers at the other end of the room._  
 _Reaching the one I had been assigned, I opened the door and pulled out one of the simple drawers built into the right hand side next to the space where my cloak and spare uniform neatly hung from a wooden rail and retrieved another envelope.  
This one however was old and tattered, the name of the addressee worn away and barely legible, yet the letter inside still remained in fairly good condition. _  
 _Closing the drawer and door, I leaned back against the storage locker and removed the letter from its envelope, carefully unfolding it and reading through the contents._  
 _Looking to the second piece of paper beneath it, a pang of sorrow gripped my heart._  
 _Enclosed with the letter, was a roughly drawn profile of a man described as being "tall, well built, dark blonde hair and soft green eyes."_  
 _Sighing deeply I returned to my bunk and sat down, longingly staring at the portrait and allowing my mind to wander back to the past..._  
  
Year 846:  
  
The sound of raised angry voices, filtered through the thick wooden door separating the large country farmhouse from the stableyard.  
Looking towards the source of the argument, your e/c eyes narrowed in anger.   
While you were grateful it wasn't you on the receiving end of yet another poisonous rant, you detested the thought of the one person you loved more than anything in the world being subjected to it.   
"Over my dead body is that brat joining the Cadet Corps!" Yelled an angry male voice, making you wince as you reached for the door handle. "She can make herself useful by joining the family merchant company, I need all the extra hands I can get since you became sick."  
"She's my daughter and I say she can do as she pleases!" Coughed a female moments later. "If she wants to become a soldier, then she'll do so with my blessing!"  
"I should've disowned you the moment you fell pregnant with his spawn!" Snarled the male. "You always were a disappointment to me."  
Gritting your teeth and clenching your fists, you kicked open the door and barged into the kitchen, causing the argument currently taking place to come to an abrupt end as the two adults turned to look at you.  
"Stop yelling at her!" You demanded, causing the male's eyes to widen in disbelief. "You know she's sick, yet you still treat her like dirt. What sort of father are you?"  
"How dare you speak to me in such a way! I've put a roof over your head, food on the table and clothes on your back for the past twelve years, you ungrateful little bitch!"  
"You've also made my mother cry and treated us both like outcasts for as long as I can remember!" You snapped back, resisting the urge to pick up the nearest object and throw it at him. "Just what did we do to deserve your hatred, huh? Tell me!"  
"I'm going back to work." Snorted the old man, straightening his jacket and flat cap. "Make sure you clean those stables before I get back!"  
Defiantly staring at his retreating figure, you waited until he had slammed the door as he departed before turning to look at the frail woman sitting at the kitchen table.  
"Mum, are you okay?"  
"You really shouldn't antagonise your grandfather like that f/n." She smiled sadly. "We're lucky he's allowed us to stay here this long given how...difficult you've started to become in recent years."  
"Well someone has to stand up to him!" You protested, petulantly folding your arms. "Besides, if Dad was around he would probably beat the shit out of him!"  
"F/n l/n I hope you're not going to behave like that when you join the Cadet Corps next year."  
"What?"  
"Hmm, I thought that might make you lose the attitude." Giggled your mother, coughing rather violently a second later.   
Rushing to the sink, you grabbed a small glass and hastily filled it with water,  returning to the table and offering it to her.  
"Thank you Dear." She smiled, gratefully taking it from you and slowly sipping the cool clear liquid. "A letter came from the Military Registration Office today, I was fortunate enough to retrieve it before your grandfather destroyed it."  
"Typical." You growled, gently rubbing your mother's back while her coughing fit continued.   
"Just give me a minute." She managed to force out between sipping her water and trying to clear her throat. "I have it safely tucked away in my apron."  
"Have you read it?"  
"I didn't need to...your grandfather's reaction when he did told me everything I needed to know." A smile slowly spread across her face, her awful hacking and spluttering finally ceasing long enough for her to speak properly and retrieve the aforementioned item from the pocket in the front of her off-white apron. "Congratulations Sweetheart, they've accepted your application. You head out to the Cadet Corps training camp a week after your thirteenth birthday."  
"Really?" You eyes widened in disbelief, when you took the crumpled paper from her and scanned over it, but the elation in your voice was impossible not to hear. "So I can really become a soldier like Dad?"  
"Well, if you join the Survey Corps then yes." However her smile disappeared and she spoke again in a much darker tone. "F/n, I know I cannot tell you which regiment to join but...you do know how dangerous the scouts are don't you?"  
"Yeah, I do." You nodded, frowning and averting your gaze. "They're the regiment with the highest death count, but the cause they fight for is what appeals to me about them."  
"Hmm, that's the same thing your father said before he joined them."  
"He did?" You gasped, turning back to face her and taking a seat at the kitchen table.   
A sad smile slowly spread across your mother's lips.   
She talked about your father a lot, but never revealed his name or went into much detail about him...most likely out of fear of your grandfather walking in at any moment, as he so often did.   
It annoyed you to no end that your mother never told you this information, but you accepted the reasoning that it was for your own protection, even though you found yourself doubting this to be the truth.   
Still, she was your mother and unlike your grandfather, she loved you and did everything within her power to make sure you were happy.  
"He would've been proud to know that you were planning to follow in his footsteps." She continued, reaching across the table for your hand and gently squeezing it. "Now, I need you to do me a favour.""  
"Of course, what is it?"  
"Run to the doctor for me and pick up some more medicine please, it should be ready by now."  
"Okay Mum."  
"Then when you get back, I'll tell you a little bit more about your father and when he was training to be a soldier."  
"You promise?" You queried, raising your eyebrows and standing up from the table.   
"I promise, now off you go."  
"I'll be back soon." You said softly, leaning over her and carefully wrapping your arms around her frail body. "I love you Mum."  
"I love you too Sweetheart."  
Breaking the tender embrace, you pressed a light kiss to her forehead and left the farmhouse via the backdoor so you could retrieve a horse from the stables and make the short ride into village a few miles from your family home.   
  
 _Lowering my head, I closed my eyes and allowed my tears to fall, moving the letter out of the way so that they did not land on the already weathered paper._  
Not long after receiving my acceptance letter from the Cadet Corps, despite every effort that she made...she succumbed to her illness.   
Losing her was one of the hardest things I had ever had to face, especially since I was forced to live with my abusive grandfather for a further year before I was finally able to join the Cadet Corps.   
However there was a light at the end of the tunnel, as I would soon discover...and it was this light that set me on the path to finally finding my father...  
Suddenly the dormitory door flew open and banged against the cold stone wall, causing me to jump at the noise and drop the letter, the papers fluttering to the ground soundlessly.  
"Oh f/n you're back!" Gasped a familiar female voice. "Hey, are you coming to the mess hall for some dinner?"  
"Sure, I'll be ready in a minute Sasha." I smiled weakly, hoping she wouldn't noticed I'd been crying, which thankfully she didn't.  
Turning to look at the floor, I carefully picked up the letter and straightened the various sheets of paper, placing them back into the envelope and leaving them under my pillow.   
"Um, not sure if you're aware, but we have an expedition briefing with the commander after evening meal." Continued Sasha, cocking her head to one side and watching me curiously. "Ah you found the letter that arrived for you yesterday then?"  
"I did thanks." I smiled, standing up and walking towards her. "Let's go, I'm starving."  
"Me too! Any idea what's on the menu?"  
Since our dormitory was quite close to the mess hall, it was fairly easy to hazard a guess as to when meals were being prepared.   
Humming thoughtfully, I closed my eyes and raised my head. While my sense of smell wasn't as fine tuned as my father's had been, I wasn't too shabby when it came to being able to tell what was being prepared for the regiment's meals.   
"Wild boar and potato stew with sour dough bread."   
"My favourite!" Exclaimed Sasha excitedly, grabbing my hand and dragging me towards the door. "Come on let's eat!"  
Giggling and shaking my head, I allowed her to lead me out of the dormitory and down the corridor towards the mess hall, there would be plenty of time to reminisce about my parents after evening meal and the expedition brief were concluded. 


	3. Chapter 3

_Year 851:_  
  
_As usual, evening meal was a quiet affair._  
_Since there were so few of us, we all sat around a single table, yet talked in our own individual groups._  
_It almost made the seemingly empty mess hall feel like there was still a rabble of soldiers conversing, yet the illusion was shattered instantly as I looked around at my comrades._  
_Towards the top of the table, Commander Hanji was busily chattering away at Captain Levi, who while he looked like he wasn't interested in a word she had to say, was actually listening intently to every syllable._  
_To my left, Eren, Mikasa and Armin, were conversing animatedly about what the ocean might look like and what they expected to find._  
_Opposite them, Jean and Flocke muttered quietly about something I couldn't quite make out...all the while intermittently throwing disapproving glares at Connie and Sasha as they eagerly gorged themselves on the freshly baked sour dough bread to my right._  
_As for myself, I would occasionally offer my input when asked a question, but other than that I remained silent._  
_I should've been proudly bragging that I had officially become F/n Zacharius and relishing the idea that my abusive grandfather was probably spinning in his grave, but I also felt a tinge of guilt that I was in some way, betraying my mother. She had also been a l/n after all, yet I knew deep down that had she still been alive, she would have encouraged me to change my name._  
_Maybe if they had lived, her and my father would finally have been able to marry and we would be a proper family?_  
_Snorting and shaking my head, I dismissed the childish thought, an action that did not go unnoticed._  
_"The food doesn't taste that bad does it f/n?" Inquired Jean, a somewhat snide smirk pulling at the corners of his mouth._  
_"Huh?" Blinking rapidly I looked up and found the other occupants of the table staring at me, making me suddenly feel like I was in some sort of trouble._  
_"I...uh...I'm fine, just not hungry." I stuttered, deciding to make a hasty exit before any awkward questions arose. "Sasha, you can have my meal if you want."_  
_"Yes please!" She gasped, eagerly reaching for my tray before I even had time to process her actions. "Thanks f/n."_  
_Forcing a weak smile and nodding, I stood up and walked towards the doors, stopping and cringing when Commander Hanji called out to me._  
_"We're meeting in my office for the expedition brief in an hour, don't be late."_  
_"Understood Commander." I replied with a nod, glancing back to face her for a moment out of respect before leaving._  
  
_Flopping down on my bunk after returning to my dormitory, I threw my arms back and stared at the wooden slats above, furrowing my brows and studying the grainy pattern threaded through them._  
_Despite saying I was "starving" on the way down to the mess hall, I had barely even touched my meal. Probably because my mind was so overworked thinking about my parents that it had just caused me to lose my appetite._  
_Still, it didn't matter. Sasha would most likely get a case of the midnight munchies and try sneaking off to the kitchen for a few slices of left over meat and some bread, so I could always ask her to bring me something if I happened to regain it again later._  
_Reaching under my pillow, I sat up and pulled out the letter I had been reading earlier and removed it from the envelope, unfolding the weathered paper and once again letting my mind wander back to the past..._  
  
Year 846:  
  
In spite of the many trips to the village to buy medicine and ask for further advice from the doctor, your mother's condition continued to worsen...as did the already irreparable relationship between you and your grandfather.  
Every night when he came home after a long day of overseeing the running of his small merchant company, he would snarl and sneer at you for having not completed the long list of chores he gave you to complete before berating you for not having prepared any food for him.   
Your usual response to this was to remind him of your mother's failing health, before telling him in no uncertain terms that she came first and if he wanted to eat, he knew how to cook so he could make his own food.  
  
Storming out of the kitchen and slamming the door behind you as you were met with yet another barrage of verbal abuse, you made your way upstairs to check on your mother.   
A deep frown spread across your face as you reached the top of the wooden and heard your mother having yet another painful sounding coughing fit, more than likely you would walk in to find her holding a cloth to her mouth that was covered in blood again, something which was now happening far too often.  
"Mum?" You called, gently knocking on the closed door and pressing your ear to it, feeling your heart ache in your chest at the hacking response you received a moment later.  
"Come in f/n."  
Swallowing hard, you pushed the door open and cautiously entered the room, breath hitching in your throat when you noticed the stained red cloth she was clutching in her left hand.  
"He's home." You said distastefully, approaching her and taking the soiled material, quickly throwing it into the rubbish bucket next to the bed.  
"Yes, I heard." She smiled weakly. "I take it you didn't save him any soup again?"  
"Hmph, I'd have only spiked it with rat poison if I did."   
"F/n!"  
Rolling your eyes you sat down on the bed and stared at her worriedly, the doctor had already confirmed that she only had a week maximum to live and unfortunately, that time was almost up. Something your mother already seemed to be too aware of.  
"Sweetheart..." She croaked, trying a failing to hold back a weak cough. "There's something I want you to have."  
"What is it?" You asked curiously.  
Shakily reaching up to her nape, your mother carefully untied the black lace around her neck and pulled loose what looked like a shiny bear claw charm that had been threaded through it to make a necklace of sorts.  
"You father gave this to me just before he joined the Cadet Corps." She smiled, holding it out to you. "I want you to have it, keep it safe."  
"Alright." You agreed, taking it from her and placing it around your own neck, tucking it into your shirt to keep it safely out of your grandfather's sight.  
"Also..." She paused to cough again before continuing. "There's a letter in the top drawer...it's addressed to you, but I don't want you to open it until after my death."  
"What? Why?"  
"Promise me f/n!"   
Your e/c eyes widened at the sudden harshness in her voice, clearly this was something important, otherwise she would not have spoken in such a stern tone.  
"Yes Mum, I promise."  
"Good girl." She smiled, awkwardly shuffling across the bed and patting the empty space she had previously occupied. "Now come here and rest with me a while. You look exhausted."  
Without further question, you obeyed and moved to lay down next to her, resting your head on her chest shoulder and wrapping your arm around her as she tenderly embraced you and stroked your h/l h/c hair.  
"I love you f/n." She muttered, lightly kissing your forehead and tightening her grip on you. "You're the best thing that could ever have happened to me, never forget that."  
"I love you too Mum." You whispered, burying your head into neck and fighting back the tears that were currently forming in your eyes at the thought that this may well be the last time you ever said those words to her.  
  
As the sun started to set on the western horizon, the sound of horses hooves clip-clopping along the dusty road that passed by the house eventually caused you to awaken from the brief sleep that had overcome you as you lay in your mother's arms.   
Groaning and rubbing your eyes, you yawned and looked towards the window, frowning at the now burnt orange sky.   
"Mum?" You asked, looking back to the still sleeping woman laying next to you. "Mum it's sunset, you need to take your medicine."  
Brows furrowing, you sat up straight and carefully untangled yourself from her arms, gently gripping her shoulders and giving her a light shake.  
"Hey Mum, wake up."  
However there was no response from your mother, her eyes remained closed and she didn't even twitch.  
"M-Mum?" You choked, suddenly feeling your heart drop as you reached out to touch her forehead and recoiled in horror at how cold her skin was.  
Lower lip trembling uncontrollably, you shook your head and stood up from the bed, backing up against the wall and staring down at her lifeless body.  
"No, no please...please don't leave me!" You begged. "Come back! Mum please...come back!"  
Sliding down to the floor, you drew your knees up to your chest and buried your head in your arms, praying to whatever deity existed that when you looked up again, it would all just be hallucination and your beloved mother would wake up and tell you she wasn't going anywhere any time soon.  
Yet it was not meant to be, her illness had finally bested her and snuffed out the precious shreds of life she had been so desperately clinging to.  
Sniffing and wiping your eyes on the sleeve of your shirt, you forced yourself to stand up. As much as you didn't want to, you would need to tell your grandfather of her passing...not that he would particularly care.  
Inhaling deeply and holding it for a moment before exhaling, you forced your body to move towards the door, but not before stealing a sorrowful glance at your mother's corpse and feeling your heart shatter as you struggled with the devastating realization that the one member of your family who truly cared about you was now dead.   
  
"Hmph, what do you want?" Snarled the unforgiving tone of your grandfather upon hearing you quietly descend the simple wooden stairs and enter the kitchen.  
"You'll be pleased to know that my mother is dead." You spat venomously, allowing all the pain you felt at her passing to build inside you should he decide to go off on one of his poisonous rants.  
"Is that so?" He sighed, keeping his back to you and continuing to simply stare out of the window at the setting sun from his seat at the table.   
Grinding your teeth, you clenched your fists and silently waited for a snide remark which would inevitably follow.  
"Well I can't say I'm surprised." He shrugged nonchalantly, pushing his chair back with a loud screech as the legs scraped against the wooden floorboards. "I suppose I should go to the village and inform the doctor so he can come and collect her then."  
"Don't strain yourself!" You scoffed bitterly, watching him with sharp e/c eyes when he slowly shuffled past you to retrieve his jacket.  
Raising a withered brow in your direction, the old man simply stared at you for a moment...was he possibly debating changing his attitude towards you now that you were the only family he had left?  
"Make sure this place is tidy for when I return."  
Scowling angrily and shaking your head in disgust, you internally cursed yourself for even daring to think that he might actually have shown the slightest inclination of mourning your mother's passing. If you weren't so angry and heartbroken, you'd most likely have laughed at how stupid you had been to even think he had anything that resembled a sense of compassion towards you.   
Once he had left the house, you made your way back upstairs to your mother's bedroom, quietly opening the door and standing frozen in the entrance for a second or two before finally re-entering the room.   
"I wish Dad was here." You muttered lowly to the lifeless corpse. "You never did tell me whether he was still alive or not."  
Knowing you weren't going to receive any kind of response, you slowly reached up for the bear claw you now wore around your neck and gently gripped it through your shirt, furrowing your brows and remembering what your mother had mentioned earlier when you came up to check on her...  
  
**_"There's a letter in the top drawer...it's addressed to you, but I don't want you to open it until after my death."_  
**  
Clicking your tongue thoughtfully, you walked over towards the simple wooden chest of drawers and reached out for the top one, cautiously pulling it open.  
Upon looking inside, you found several neatly folded garments.   
"Hmm." Sifting through the contents, you became confused when all you discovered were shirts, handkerchiefs and shawls...but no letter. "I don't get it, she said it would be in here."  
Placing your hands on your hips and pursing your lips, you forced your jumbled mind to focus on the task at hand. That mysterious letter she had mentioned had to be in there somewhere...perhaps it was hidden in one of the garments?   
Carefully going through each item again, it didn't take long for you to find what you were searching for when an envelope fell out of one of the shawls and landed lightly on the bedroom floor.  
"There you are!" You mused, refolding the garment you were currently holding and putting it away before squatting down to retrieve the letter.  
As your mother had said, it was addressed to you and only you.   
Glancing out of the window at the now darkening sky, you estimated you had roughly an hour before your grandfather returned. Which was more than enough time for you to quickly read whatever was contained within the letter.  
Leaning against the wall next to the window, you carefully broke the simple wax seal and opened the envelope, pulling out the papers it contained and unfolding them...  
  
**"My Dearest Daughter,  
**                                       
**If you are reading this, then I have finally succumbed to my illness and passed from this world.**  
**Please forgive me for not telling you this to your face, but if your grandfather ever found out about this, I dread to think what he would do.**  
**It pains me greatly that I have always been so vague about your father, please understand that this is not because he did not love you or want you, but because he did not know of your existence."**  
  
"What the?" You said, blinking rapidly in disbelief and continuing to read. "My Dad never knew I existed?"  
  
**"I was only eighteen when I fell pregnant with you, something that greatly angered your grandfather when he found out.**  
**He had never approved of your father and I being friends, let alone lovers...to this day, I have no idea why he hated him so much. Your father was kind, charming and a genuinely wonderful human being. Of course he had his quirks, who doesn't? Yet for some reason, your grandfather deemed him unfit to be a part of my life and set out to tear us apart."**  
  
"Tch, I might've known the old bastard would be the reason Dad was never a part of our lives." You sneered, once again feeling a deep rooted anger towards your grandfather start to build up inside you. It was just too bad that he wasn't around for you to unleash it on him at this moment, but it certainly explained why he hated you so much.  
  
**"I never got the chance to tell your father I was carrying you, as soon as your grandfather found out, he moved us from our home in Shiganshina to our current residence.  
** **He forbade me from writing to your father or even trying to find out where he was stationed, I was absolutely heartbroken that he would so callously deny you the opportunity of having a father who I know would've doted on you the way I have.**  
**I'm so sorry my darling f/n, I wish things could've been different. I wish you could've had the life you deserved, instead of the life you've lived so far, however there is hope.**  
**A few weeks after the fall of Shiganshina, I managed to hear some news that made my heart soar.**  
**Your father is still alive and is now a section commander with the Survey Corps!"**  
  
"Dad's still alive?" You gasped, taking a step back and suddenly freezing when your back hit the wall. "Damn, he must be seriously lucky to have survived this long with the scouts!"  
Failing to steady your now shaking hands, you swallowed hard and forced yourself to continue reading.  
  
**"Since you plan on joining the Survey Corps yourself, it is now time for you to know the truth.  
** **Your father's name is Mike Zacharius, if you make the decision to search for him, you are looking for a tall** _ **,**  _ **well built man with dark blonde hair and soft green eyes. I have included a portrait I drew of him when I was sixteen, although I imagine he will have changed since then. Still, I pray you find it useful and can gauge a rough idea of who you are looking for."  
**  
Noticing you had reached the bottom of the page, you pulled it away and revealed the sketch beneath it.  
"So this is my Dad?" You questioned, furrowing your brows and studying the fine pencil scratches.  
The portrait only showed the head and shoulders of the subject, but the details stood out as clear as day to you.  
The man's hair was neatly parted down the middle, resting against his strong cheek bones. He eyes were narrow, but to you they appeared soft and warm...although that could be your mother's bias, since this was the man she loved after all.   
Looking lower down the page, you noticed a final paragraph written beneath the portrait.  
  
**"If you do manage to find him, show him my bear claw necklace and ask him if he remembers me. That should be the perfect icebreaker for such a sensitive subject, but please don't expect too much of him too soon if you do reveal your identity to him. This will probably be as big a shock to him as it currently is to you, so please be patient...and make sure he affords you the same courtesy.  
** **I wish you the best of luck if you decide to follow this path f/n, for I believe you have every right to know who your father is and you deserve an opportunity to get to know him.**  
  
**Fight for what you want in life and never give up on your dreams.**  
**I love you so much my beautiful girl, never forget that**  
**Mum. xx"**  
  
Raising your head and nodding firmly, you looked over towards your mother's corpse, still resting peacefully on the bed and slowly walked towards her.  
Sitting down on the bed, you took her ice cold hand in yours and carefully held it, caressing the pale skin with your thumb as you leaned over and pressed a tender kiss to her forehead.  
"I'll find him Mum, I promise."  
  
_Year 851:_  
  
_Dragging my wandering mind back to the present, I looked towards the dormitory door and cocked my head to one side when I heard muffled voices filtering through the thick wood._  
Evening meal must have concluded, so did that mean that everyone was making their way to Commander Hanji's office for the expedition brief?  
"Well, I better get down there too then." I mused to myself, carefully placing the letter back into its envelope and returning it to my storage locker.   
_I then checked my reflection in the mirror, relieved to see that it wasn't possible to tell I had been crying again. The last thing I wanted to face was more awkward questions from my comrades._  
 _Closing the storage locker door, I inhaled deeply, letting it out a moment later and holding my head high as I left the dormitory._


	4. Chapter 4

_Year 851:  
_  
_Entering Commander Hanji's office, I was relieved to find I wasn't the last one to arrive.  
Naturally the two remaining officers were already present, joined by Mikasa, Eren, Armin, Jean, Flocke and now myself. As expected, it was Connie and Sasha who were were waiting for...most likely they had sneaked back into the mess hall in the hopes of managing a second helping of stew.   
A few minutes later, they finally arrived, muttering their apologies for their tardiness and joining myself and the other scouts as we all stood in a single rank in front of the desk.  
"I'll keep this as short as possible." Said Hanji evenly, her puppy brown eyes scanning over each of us. "Tomorrow morning, we will leave Wall Rose via Trost  and make our way to Shiganshina. I've recently been informed by Commander Pixis that the Garrison have completed installing lifts at the outer gate, so we will be using those to move the horses onto the other side of the wall."  
This would to be the first time that anyone had set foot beyond Wall Maria since the appearance of the Colossal and Armoured Titans, so naturally, this expedition had taken some extra consideration when planning.  
"Once we go beyond Wall Maria, we will be on our own." Explained the commander sternly. "So I need everyone to be alert and if you must use your gear, do so sparingly. I'm sure I need not remind you that transportation of supplies other than rations and signal flares is not going to be possible on this particular expedition.   
Since we were so few in numbers, we were unable to use any wagons in case we ran into trouble. Just because the titan's inside Wall Maria had been dealt with, did not mean that they were not still wandering the land beyond the safety of the recently reclaimed outer wall and if this was the case, then battle strategies needed to take priority._  
_"Can't anyone from the Garrison accompany us?" Questioned Eren, immediately gaining everyone's full attention._  
_"That won't be possible I'm afraid." Replied Hanji, shaking her head and pushing her glasses further up her nose. "The Garrison cannot spare any soldiers at the moment, they have been ordered by Queen Historia to concentrate on arming Wall Maria."_  
_"Understood Commander." He muttered, lowering his gaze._  
_"Moving on then...we will be travelling using a closed formation, since there are so few of us, The Long Range Scouting Formation will be of little use to us. So I am recommending that we maintain a distance from each other only as far as the eye can see." Pausing for a moment, Hanji once again cast a stern look over us. "I'm sure I need not remind you that this is still mainly uncharted territory, so sticking together and working as a team should we run into any titans is of paramount importance. Is everybody clear on that?"_  
_"Yes Commander!" We all answered in unison, receiving a small smile and nod of acknowledgement._  
_"Alright then, this briefing is now concluded. Make sure you all get plenty of rest, we leave first thing tomorrow morning."_  
_Saluting the commander and captain, we filed out of the office._  
_"Man, I can't believe we're finally going to be setting foot beyond Wall Maria!" Gasped Connie, running a hand over his shaved head. "I dunno about you guys, but I'm kinda nervous."_  
_"Me too." Chimed in Sasha. "I mean, sure this isn't our first expedition...but this is our first time venturing out beyond the walls into uncharted land."_  
_"Ah come on, we'll be fine!" Scoffed Eren, a devilish smirk playing on his features. "Besides, if we do happen to run into any titans, I'll deal with them! So how about we all go for a drink before turning in for the night?"_  
_"I agree." Nodded Mikasa, adjusting her scarf. "Armin, are you coming?"_  
_"Oh, um sure why not."_  
_"Yeah I'll come too." Shrugged Jean. "Flocke?"_  
_"Alright then. Hey f/n, are you joining us for a drink before we retire for the night?"_  
_I opened my mouth to reply, yet no sound came out. Being put on the spot like this, combined with all of them staring at me expectantly was making me feel extremely uneasy and given the current circumstances, I was leaning towards preferring to be left alone to clear my head._  
_"Another time." I finally managed to respond, affording them an apologetic smile. "I'm not really good company at the moment."_  
_"Aw come on, stop being such a party pooper!" Protested Jean, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and trying to steer me back towards the others. "We've got ages before we need to go to sleep yet."_  
_"Another time!" I repeated, only this time I spoke with much firmer conviction, throwing in an intimidating glare and shrugging myself out of his grip for good measure._  
_"Geez, what's your problem?" He scoffed, placing a hand on his hip and tilting his head to one side._  
_"Just go and enjoy your evening, I'll speak to you tomorrow."_  
_With that, I turned around and walked away...needless to say I could practically feel everyone else's confused eyes watching me as I turned the corner and hastened my pace, feeling the need to lock myself away in my dormitory for the night when I found myself being dragged back to the past take priority over everything else._  
  
Year 846:  
  
Your mother's funeral was a day you had been dreading for the past week, especially since your grandfather's attitude towards it had been so cold and calculating.  
Part of you just wanted to grab him by the shoulders and give him a good hard shake, his only child was dead and yet he carried on with his life as if nothing had happened while you struggled to hold it together.  
Not once had he shed a tear or even spoken her name, all he seemed to care about was keeping his merchant business ticking over as normal.   
You on the other hand were inconsolable, the slightest little thing could turn you into a sobbing wreck...and what did your grandfather say when he saw you in this state? Absolutely nothing.  
A roll of his eyes, a barely audible tut or an annoyed shake of his head were the only responses he was able to muster, he truly was a vile human being in your opinion and nothing would convince you otherwise.  
  
The funeral itself was a simple affair.  
A plain wooden coffin containing your mother's corpse was brought to the village cemetery, where only you and your grandfather attended the burial.  
"Hmph, get back to the house and start sorting through her things." Snorted your grandfather bitterly. "I want everything put into crates ready to be disposed of by the time I return."  
Slowly turning your head to look at him, you gritted your teeth and narrowed your eyes, the rage inside you growing stronger by the second when he failed to even make eye contact with you.  
"She's barely even cold in her grave!" You growled, forcing yourself not to cause a scene in front of the passing villagers. "Yet all you seem to care about is destroying any trace that she ever existed!"  
"Unfortunately that can never happen, since you're still around to remind me of her."   
Your breath hitched in your throat, if you didn't already know just how disgusting this man was, you would never have believed he could say such a thing.   
"You unimaginable bastard!"   
"I suggest you lose the attitude girl." He continued, still refusing to so much as even glance at you. "You can also forget about joining the Cadet Corps, you're going to work for my company and finally earn your keep."  
"Like hell I will!" You snarled defiantly. "I'm going to join the Cadet Corps and become a soldier like my father, then I'm going to find him and bring him back here so he can teach you a lesson!"  
"Good luck with that." Sneered the old man in amusement. "Your father's most likely dead by now."  
"Like you'd know!"  
"He's a scout, so chances are he's now dwelling in the stomach of a titan."  
"Shut up!"  
"Just get back home you disobedient little brat!" He growled, turning and leaving the cemetery. "Oh and take off that stupid thing around your neck! It should've been buried with your mother."  
Shaking from rage, you slowly reached up and gripped the bear claw charm through your shirt, cursing yourself internally for not being more careful and making sure the simple lace wasn't sticking out from under your collar in future.   
Still you refused to remove it, especially since it was the last thing your mother had given you and it was something that had been given to her by your father. No, the necklace was yours now and no amount of bitter snide remarks or demanding from your grandfather would force you to part with it.  
Staring down at your mother's coffin, you sighed deeply and loosened your grip on the necklace.   
"I wish you were still here Mum, I miss you so much it hurts."  
"Excuse me."  
"Huh?"   
Looking up, you were met by the kind sympathetic smile of a young man wearing a simple shirt, trousers and boots stained with soil, leaning on the large metal shovel tucked under his left forearm he tilted his head to one side curiously.   
"Sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you. Do you need a little longer?"  
"I...um..." You hesitated, swallowing hard and looking back down into the grave before turning back to face him. "No, I'm sorry...I'll just be going."  
"There's no need to rush, I can wait..." He said softly, reaching into his pocket and pulling a handkerchief from his trouser pocket and holding it out when he caught sight of the tears that were now welling in your e/c eyes. "It's never easy losing someone, especially at your age."  
"Th-thank you." You smiled weakly, taking the handkerchief from him and wiping your eyes.   
"Forgive me for eavesdropping, but I heard what the old man said about your father. Apparently he's a scout right?"  
"Yeah, he is."  
"What's his name?" Inquired the grave digger, adjusting his posture before continuing. "If you don't mind me asking of course."  
"Mike Zacharius." You replied hopefully, handing the handkerchief back. "Do you know him?"  
"Sorry I don't, only his name is familiar to me. I do know that he's a veteran who works closely with Commander Erwin though."  
"Do you know where the Survey Corps is currently based?"   
You couldn't believe your luck, first the letter from your mother with the portrait and now someone who could potentially tell you where to find him...  
"Not the exact location no, but I believe that ever since the fall of Wall Maria, the Survey Corps have relocated their headquarters to somewhere near Trost."  
"Trost huh?" You mused, pursing your lips thoughtfully. "Can you tell me anything else?"  
The man chuckled and shook his head, affording you another kind smile.   
"I'm sorry Young 'Un, but that's all I know."  
"It's okay." You replied, shoulders sagging in disappointment. However the information you already had should be sufficient enough to go on for now. "You've been really helpful, I appreciate it."  
"You're welcome, I'll give you a few more moments with your mother."  
"Oh, no need. I'd better get home...thank you."  
"Good luck."  
Nodding and glancing back to the grave one last time, you furrowed your brows and ground your teeth.  
"Goodbye Mum, I'll come back soon and let you know how I'm getting on with finding Dad."  
Turning around, you hastily left the cemetery, watched closely by the gravedigger.  
"Poor kid." He muttered to himself, picking up his shovel ready to commence his work. "Life can be so cruel."  
  
Returning home, you were relieved to find that your grandfather wasn't there.  
Most likely he had simply left the cemetery and gone straight back to the village market, not that you particularly cared.  
Clicking your tongue thoughtfully, you decided to make your way upstairs to your mother's bedroom to start sorting through her possessions, however you had no intention of crating them up ready for your grandfather to dispose of.  
Your plan was to carefully go through them and see what you wanted to keep, after that, you could give away anything that would be of little or no use to you.  
It wasn't something you were particularly happy about, but it was certainly better than your grandfather just tossing everything out into the yard and burning it, which you had a terrible feeling in your gut was his intention from the start.  
Looking around the bedroom, you decided to start by going through the wardrobe.  
Opening the doors, you carefully pulled out her clothes and laid them neatly on the bed so you could decide whether you wanted to keep any of them for yourself. Since you and your mother were roughly the same height and build, it was probably a good idea to try and salvage anything that would fit you, especially since you doubted the spiteful old man you begrudgingly referred to as "family" wouldn't be particularly bothered about your welfare now your mother was no longer around.  
Fortunately you were able to find some plain, yet comfortable skirts, shirts and some rather nice knee high lace up boots that fitted you perfectly.  
"These can go in my wardrobe when I'm done." You nodded to yourself and checking that the wardrobe was finally empty. "Now, what to do next?"  
Casting a curious glance around the room, your sight fell upon a simple wooden storage chest placed under the window.   
Humming thoughtfully, you made your way towards it and blew away the thin layer of dust that had formed on its lid, opening it and causing a loud squeak of protest from the slightly rusted hinges.   
Peering inside, you found several plain boxes neatly stacked on top of each other, some bed sheets and several books. Apart from these few items, it was empty.  
Reaching into the chest, you removed the sheets first and were surprised to find a rather battered looking box with some kind of engraving crudely carved into it.   
"I wonder what this is." You mused, picking up the box and turning it over in your hands to further examine it before tracing your fingertips over the rough markings on its lid, finding them to be four letters enclosed by a shield.  
E/c eyes widening, you moved the box further into the light and tilted it until the engravings became visible.  
"M.Z and M/N L/N...these are Mum and Dad's initials!" You gasped, feeling your heart start hammering in your chest at this new discovery.  
Your mother had often told you that she and your father had known each other since they were children, so could it be that this contained some more information about him?  
There was only one way to find out, fumbling with the lid, you managed to pry it open and looked inside.  
"Wow!" You muttered, a smile slowly spreading across your face upon seeing the boxes contents. "She must have kept every letter he ever wrote to her."  
From an initial glance, you could see that it was full of envelopes, all of them addressed to your mother. The handwriting wasn't the neatest, but it was still legible.   
Moving back towards the bed, you cleared a space and sat down, pulling out the first envelope and removing the paper inside to see what correspondence your parents had shared during their time together...  
  
_Year 851:  
_  
_I was still awake when Sasha and Mikasa returned to the dormitory._  
_They didn't say much, bar greeting me before proceeding to get changed ready for bed, maybe they were both a little weary that I would snap at them the way I had Jean?_  
 _Part of me was tempted to explain my sudden change in attitude, but to be honest, I wasn't even sure I could explain it to myself...let alone them._  
 _I was unable to understand why I was so focused on the past at the moment, maybe it was because it was approaching the one year anniversary of my father's death? Or was there some other reason behind it?_  
 _Perhaps finally becoming F/n Zacharius was causing all of my memories to suddenly flood my mind, possibly as a reflection of just how far I had come in the past six years to end up where I was today? Yes that had to be it._  
 _I had gone from feeling unloved and unwanted after losing my mother, to joining the Cadet Corps finding new friends who I would come to depend on as comrades and finally fulfilling my promise to my dear mother by finding my father._  
 _The only thing I regretted was not being able to spend more time with him, but oh how I loved that month we were able to share together once the truth was revealed._  
 _"Hey, are you feeling any better now?" Asked Sasha, sitting down on the bunk opposite mine. "You've been a little off since you returned from your trip."_  
 _"I'll be alright." I replied with a weak smile. "I'm always a little..."off" as you put it when I return from leave."_  
 _"So how are you feeling about tomorrow?"_  
 _"Same as everyone else I imagine." I shrugged, pulling back the thin sheet on my bunk and climbing in, shuffling around and trying to get comfortable on the hard mattress. "I'm interested to see how the world beyond the walls differs from inside them though."_  
 _"We'll find out soon enough." Said Mikasa nonchalantly, fluffing up her pillows before getting comfortable on the bunk to the right of mine. "Anyway, if you two are going to insist in chatting, I'd be grateful if you could do it quietly."_  
 _Since there was only three of us in this dormitory now and five sets of bunks to choose from, we had all opted to sleep on the lower ones since they were easier to get in and out of if we were in a hurry._  
 _"Don't worry, I'm going straight to sleep." I answered, laying down and pulling the thin sheet up over myself. "I think we all should."_  
 _"Probably for the best." Yawned Sasha, snuggling into her pillow and closing her eyes. "Goodnight guys."_  
 _"Goodnight." Nodded Mikasa._  
 _"See you both in the morning."_  
 _Once again, I found myself staring up into the semi darkness of the dormitory at the slats of the bunk above me as the luminescent rays of silver light from the moon streaming in through the window, cast long shadows across the room, adding to the now quiet atmosphere. Sighing deeply and trying to fight off the memories that were currently replaying themselves in my mind, I closed my eyes and started to drift off into a peaceful slumber, letting the past infiltrate my dreams and remind me of just how far I had come in life over the past six years._


	5. Chapter 5

Year 847:  
  
The twelve months following your mother's death felt like they would never end.  
Your grandfather may have gotten his way forcing you to work for his merchant company in exchange for continuing to live under his roof, but your resolve to escape and join the Cadet Corps had never been stronger.  
Despite being trapped until that time came, the "relationship" between you failed to improve...not that you particularly cared. He'd treated you like something he had scraped from the bottom of his shoe for so long, that if he were to suddenly change and start being nice to you, you would probably have died from the shock of it.  
Every time he saw you, he would glare at you with hardened eyes and mutter how he wished you had never been born. Sometimes he would comment about how you were the double of your mother, however it was far from being a compliment coming from him, but that still didn't stop you from seeing it as a good thing.   
In fact, it made you proud to hear you looked like her, maybe it would help your father remember her when you finally tracked him down...if he was still alive by the time you made it to the scouts.  
You hoped and prayed that he would be, you had so much you wanted to ask him...not only about himself, but the time that he spent with your mother before they were so callously torn apart by your vile excuse of a grandfather.   
Still, the past year hadn't been all bad.   
Being forced to work for the merchant company had given you the opportunity to make a few new friends and accelerate your plan to escape to the Cadet Corps.   
On a trip to make deliveries to a small business in Karanese, you had met a young girl named Mina who also planned to enlist in the military. Sympathetic to your situation, she passed on some information that would prove valuable to your plan when the time came.  
If you could make it to the Karanese District three days before your enlistment date, you would be able to travel with her to the Cadet Corps headquarters rather than risk sneaking away from your grandfather during trading hours.  
It was a risky plan, since you would need to make up a believable excuse as to why you couldn't work that particular day, added to that, the fact that would need some way of transporting the few personal belongings you wanted to take with you. Sure it wasn't much, just the box containing the letters your father had written to your mother and some civilian clothing.   
Perhaps you could steal one of your grandfather's spare horses from the stable? It's not like you would feel guilty for committing a crime against him and by the time he came back to the house at sunset after business finished for the day, you would be in Karanese District and well out of harms way.  
  
Kneeling in front of your mother's grave, the sun's warm rays shone down from the cloudless sky onto the simple grey gravestone in front of you that now marked her final resting place.  
"This is probably the last time I'll be able to come here for a while." You said softly, raising your hand and tracing the rough engraving of her name on the warm stone. "Remember the plan I told you about for making sure that old bastard can't stop me from joining the Cadet Corps? Well, it's finally time to put it into action!"  
  
 _The day had started like any other, only this time after waking up with the rising sun, you had made your way downstairs for breakfast without changing out of your sleeping clothes.  
As usual, your grandfather was not happy to see you...especially when he saw your dishevelled state.  
"Why the hell aren't you dressed?" He demanded angrily, his eyes narrowing dangerously when he raised a hand and gestured to your attire. "You know damned well we have to be leaving in an hour if we want to make it to Clarendon Town Market today!"  
"Ugh, quit yelling at me will you?" Forcing out your best groan of what you hoped sounded like pain, you leaned against the door frame and gripped your stomach. "I don't feel too good."  
"You look fine to me, now go get dressed or you're not eating until lunch time!"  
Just as you predicted, he didn't buy your little charade of pretending to be "ill." No matter, you were smart enough to have anticipated that he wouldn't...  
Turning around and taking a few steps back towards the stairs, you reached into your shirt and produced a flask of cold vegetable soup from the previous evenings dinner that you had sneaked up to your room just before going to bed. Holding your breath and pouring some of the now congealed mush into your mouth, you held it for a few moments before spitting it out and coughing violently, hoping to give the impression that you had just vomited.   
"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?" Yelled your grandfather, jumping out of his chair and stomping towards you.  
"I told you I didn't feel well!" You scoffed, wiping your mouth and quickly slipping the now empty flask back into your shirt so he wouldn't see it._  
 _"You stupid girl!" He scowled in disgust, grabbing you by the collar and marching you back into the kitchen. "Get a mop and bucket, I want this mess cleaned up now! After that you can take yourself back upstairs and stay there. I clearly can't take you to work with me today, what will my clients think if I show up to the market with a disgusting germ factory like you following me?"_  
"Heh, all the more reason for me to get a wash and do a hard days graft!" You snickered, feeling rather pleased that he had now fallen for your little act. However your cockiness soon disappeared when the old man took a swipe at you, catching the back of your head and sending you staggering forward a step.  
"I'm heading out." Moving back to the table and retrieving his coat from the back of his chair, he turned back to face you and continued talking. "Keep the place tidy while I'm gone and I may consider getting a doctor to come and check you over."  
"You're all heart!" You snorted, rubbing the base of your skull and wincing at the slight ache the violent contact had caused.  
Without another word, your grandfather left the house, slamming the door and locking it behind him.  
Standing up straight and looking around the kitchen, you straightened your shirt and walked over to the stove.  
"Right then, time for some breakfast before I hit the road!"  
  
"I wish you could see the look on his stupid face!" You giggled mischievously. "He's gonna pop a vein when he gets home and I'm long gone with one of his horses and a wad of cash!"  
You knew all too well that your mother wouldn't approve of your actions had she still been around, the most she ever let you get away with when she was alive was swearing at him.  
"I'm all packed and ready to go." You continued, patting the rucksack next to you. "I'm not taking much, just some clothes and the box of letters you received from Dad...I find it rather comforting to read through them when I'm feeling down. Please don't be disappointed in me for stooping to such low levels to escape...you raised me better than this, but we both know it's the only way I can leave now you're..."  
A choked sob caught in your throat.   
Even now, twelve months after her untimely death, you still struggled to accept that was gone. The empty void she had left in your life with her passing was now filled by a burning pain that nothing could ease, everyone  told you it would disappear with time...but you simply couldn't understand how that was possible when everything around you reminded you of her.  
"I'll try and come back to see you once I graduate."  
Pushing yourself up, you brushed the loose grass from your trousers and picked up the rucksack, pulling it up onto your back and adjusting the straps so it would be comfortable on the long ride ahead.  
"Goodbye Mum, I love you."  
Reluctantly turning your back on the grave, you walked towards the gate where a large dark brown horse was tethered to the large wooden hitching post, patiently waited for your return.   
"Hey boy." You smiled, patting the large animal's neck and carefully untying the reins, bringing them up over its head. "Let's get out of here."  
Taking a deep breath and pulling yourself up into the saddle, you got comfortable and cast one final look towards your mother's grave before clicking your tongue and gently kicking the horse's ribs to encourage it to move off, silently saying goodbye to your old life and taking the first steps of the journey towards a new beginning.  
  
By the time the sun had reached the western sky, the shadows across the Karanese District had grown longer and darker, signalling that the end of the day was imminent.  
Merchants and traders in the now quietening market square started to slowly pack up their wares, loading the wagons ready to make their final deliveries to clients before heading home to their families for the evening.   
Sighing deeply, Mina Carolina exited her parents modest home and made her way down the small flight of steps onto the small side street, following it until she came to the main road running through the heart of the district.   
While her mother busied herself at home cooking a stew for their evening meal, she had decided to meet her father, who was due to return home from a business trip to the interior.   
Happily humming away to herself, she turned the corner and headed towards barge station just in time to hear a rather heated argument between one of the inn keepers and a girl not much older than herself.  
"I already told you, beat it!" Snapped a burly man, placing his hands on his hips. "You're underage!"  
"I'm not looking to buy alcohol!" You retorted, tightening your grip on the thin leather reins of the large dark brown horse that was following you. "I just need a place to stay, if you need extra payment then I can give you this horse. I'm sure the money from a sale will more than cover it, hell I'll even do some work for the duration if it helps."  
"Hah, not a chance! You'll rob me blind and then gallop off into the night!"  
"I would never do that!"  
"You're damn right you won't!" Nodded the inn keeper. "Shall I tell you why? It's because I ain't letting you in, now clear off!"  
"Asshole." You growled under your breath, tugging the reins and encouraging your horse to follow you as you moved further down the riverside path, ignoring the disapproving stares and comments of the other passers by.  
"F/n?" Gasped Mina, blinking rapidly at your retreating figure. "F/n wait!"  
  
So far since arriving at the Karanese District, you had been confronted with set back after set back.  
Each inn keeper your spoke to refused to give you a room to stay in until you could find Mina and travel to the Cadet Corps with her, throwing out the excuse that you were too young to be in a tavern or asking where your parents were. The latest one had even accused you of being a thief, which technically wasn't far off the mark since you had stolen money and a horse from your grandfather...but he was going to need to prove that and you very much doubted he could considering he had no idea where you were and no evidence that you had done it in the first place.  
"Damnit I really didn't think this through did I?" You mused to yourself. "Maybe I should try heading to one of the villages a few miles away, they're usually more accommodating if you offer to do some work in exchange for somewhere to stay for a couple of nights."  
"F/n?"  
Furrowing your brows and continuing to mutter to yourself about what you could do regarding finding somewhere to spend night, you were completely unaware that someone was chasing after you and calling your name until they were right behind you.  
"F/n wait!"  
"Huh?" Turning around, your eyes widened marginally when a short girl with ebony hair tied into thick pig tails came running towards you. "Mina?"  
"I thought it was you!" Smiled Mina, skidding to a halt in front of you and pausing for a moment to catch her breath. "You made it here in one piece then."  
"Yeah." You replied rather sheepishly, rubbing the back of your neck. "Although I have no idea where the hell I'm gonna stay for the next couple of days."  
"Come and stay at my place!"   
"What?"   
"I'm sure my parents won't mind." Shrugged Mina, her confident smile remaining firmly in place. "We can't have you sleeping in the streets."  
"You'd really do that for me?" You questioned in disbelief. "I mean, I'm more than happy to help out with any chores if they say yes."  
"I'm actually just about to go and meet my dad from work, it's not far from here."  
Gesturing for you to follow her back along the riverside path, Mina started walking back towards the barge station, glancing back momentarily and giggling when you hesitated.  
"Come on f/n, I promise he doesn't bite!"  
"Thanks Mina." You smiled, clicking your tongue and leading the horse along the cobbled path. "I owe you one."  
  
Having finally returned from a business trip to Wall Sina, Mr Carolina stepped down from the barge and looked around the slowly dispersing crowd that had also disembarked with him.  
Furrowing his brows slightly, he frowned in disappointment. He was certain his daughter would be there to meet him, perhaps she was running late?  
Shrugging his shoulders, he made his way along the path to the bridge that crossed the river, hoping to catch a glimpse of the teenager on the other side.   
"Hmm, maybe she's busy at home or gone to see a friend." He muttered to himself, glancing down at the small bag of sweet treats he was currently carrying in his right hand before slipping them back into his coat pocket. "Ah well, I'm sure I'll see her at home."  
"Dad!"  
Looking up at the familiar female voice, Mr Carolina smiled as he reached the other side of the bridge, seeing a young girl come running towards him with open arms.  
"I thought you had forgotten I was coming home today Mina." He chuckled, embracing his daughter and gently kissing her forehead.   
"Listen Dad, I um...I need to ask you and Mum something."  
"Oh?" Raising an eyebrow, he tilted his head to one side in curiosity when Mina took his hand and led him towards another young girl, noticing that she was nervously standing to the side of the wall running along the river and clutching the reins of a large horse.  
"Dad this is f/n." Explained Mina. "She's due to join the Cadet Corps with me in three days time, is she allowed to stay with us until then?"  
Mr Carolina blinked twice and turned his attention to you, closely scrutinising you.  
"Do your parents know you're here?"  
"My mother is dead Sir." You replied evenly, swallowing hard and struggling to maintain eye contact with him. "I can't stay with my father since he's a member of the Survey Corps and I've tried to find a room here, but none of the inn keepers will allow me to have a room."  
"Hmm, well you are a little young to be travelling alone." He mused, cupping his chin and continuing to stare at you thoughtfully. "May I ask whose horse that is?"  
"It was my mother's horse." You lied. Naturally you felt guilty about not being truthful with this man, after all, he may well be able to offer you shelter for the next couple of days. "I don't really want to get rid of him, but since I'll be enlisting in the military, I was hoping to find him a good home with a merchant or nearby farmer."  
"I see."  
Swallowing hard, you nervously bit your lip, e/c eyes flicking over towards Mina pleadingly.  
"Please Dad, she's my friend." She begged. "She's got nowhere else to go."  
"Alright." Sighing and shaking his head, Mr Carolina regarded his daughter with a neutral stare. "We'll talk to your mother...I'm not making any promises though!" He added as an afterthought when he noticed the hopeful look on his daughters face.   
"Thanks Dad!" She giggled, lunging forward and hugging him, almost knocking him backwards in the process.  
"Come on, let's get home and see what your mother says."  
  
During the walk back through Karanese to Mina's house, you remained silent and jealously watched your friend happily chatter away to her father.   
Once more the burning hatred you bore your grandfather began to bubble up inside you, especially when you thought about how he had so cruelly denied you moments like this with your own father, all because he didn't approve of the relationship he had with your mother.  
"We're here f/n." Said Mina, gently tapping your shoulder and rousing you from your thoughts.  
"Ah, you're back." Came another female voice, pulling your attention towards the small flight of steps leading up to a rather cozy looking dwelling. "Who is your friend?"  
"This is f/n." Smiled Mina. "Can she stay with us for a couple of days?"  
"Apparently she has no one else to stay with and none of the inn keepers will allow her to stay since she's underage." Said Mr Carolina, ascending the stone steps and placing a kiss on his wife's cheek in greeting. "She's due to travel to the Cadet Corps with Mina, I've not agreed to anything since I wanted to run it by you first."  
Mrs Carolina looked down at your and frowned.   
"I can offer you payment to cover the cost of feeding me." You offered politely. "I'm also willing to help out with any jobs you may need doing."  
"Oh, well...I...um."  
Mrs Carolina was clearly taken by your willingness to make yourself useful in exchange for providing a roof over your head, but it was clear that she seemed a little unsure of whether she should or not.  
"What do you think?" She asked, turning her gaze to her husband. "It is only going to be for two or three days."  
"I don't suppose it will do any harm, plus we can't really see a young girl out on the streets...anything could happen to her."  
"Does that mean she can stay?" Asked Mina, hopefully. "She can sleep in my room, I don't mind."  
"Alright, she can stay." Nodded Mrs Carolina, glancing over at you and smiling warmly.   
"Thank you!" You gasped, feeling yourself tremble with relief at not having to worry about spending more time failing to secure lodgings. "What shall I do about my horse?"  
"Our stable is just down the street." Said Mr Carolina. "In fact, I have been meaning to buy a new horse for a while now, since our old one passed away due to age...how much are you planning to sell yours for?"  
"I'll happily give you him for free since you're allowing me to stay here." You smiled. "It's the least I can do in return for your kindness."  
"Sounds like a fair trade to me." Giggled Mina. "Now at least when you need to travel you won't have to use the barge."  
"You have yourself a deal young lady." Said Mr Carolina, offering you a handshake and smiling warmly when you accepted.  
"Right then." Called Mrs Carolina, clapping her hands together twice and gesturing towards the house. "Mina, would you show f/n to your room so she can unpack?"  
"I'm on it!"  
The next thing you knew, the other girl had rushed towards you and relieved you of the horse's reins. Quickly handing them over to her father and taking your now free hand, she dragged you up the small flight of steps leading to her home and through the door before you had a chance to protest.   
"Th-Thank you for your hospitality-ah! Hey, slow down!" You gasped, almost tripping over your own two feet when Mina dragged you up the stairs.  
"For goodness sake Mina, be careful!" Scolded her mother, shaking her head and looking back towards her husband, who simply chuckled and led his new horse away down the street.  
  
With the sun skimming closer to the horizon and gradually dropping below it, the once crowded streets of Karanese District began to quieten down as everyone made their way to their homes.  
The lanterns that lined the streets were lit and those who weren't heading back to their dwellings, frequented the local taverns or travelled to the nearest inn to bed down for the night.  
After helping Mina set up a spare mattress, pillow and fleece throw to use as a blanket, you joined her and her parents for dinner.  
"Have you managed to get settled in alright f/n?" Asked Mrs Carolina, placing a bowl of steaming stew down in front of you. "Help yourself to some bread if you'd like."  
"Thank you and yes I have." You smiled. "This smells delicious by the way."  
"So which regiment are you hoping to join if you successfully graduate from the Cadet Corps?" Inquired Mr Carolina, reaching for the tea pot in the middle of the table and pouring himself a drink. "I seem to remember you mentioning your father was a member of the Survey Corps."  
"Yes, he's a section commander." You nodded, although you couldn't fight back the worried tone that crept into your voice when you spoke again. "Truth be told, he doesn't even know I exist...the only reason I want to become a scout is so I have a chance of finding out whether he's still alive."  
"That's a very dangerous thing to do for someone you've never met f/n." Frowned Mrs Carolina, taking a seat at the table after placing the last bowl of stew down in front of her husband and retrieving her own. "Are you sure you've thought this through?"  
"I know, but...he's the only family I have left." You sighed. "I promised my mother I'd find him, I can't let her down."  
Exchanging a worried glance between them, Mina's parents then turned back to look at you, making you suddenly feel very small under their sympathetic gaze.  
"Well, I'm planning on joining the Military Police!" Declared Mina happily, deciding that a change of subject was in order.   
"The Military Police?" You questioned, turning to face her and raising a curious eyebrow. "You're really gonna have to work hard for that, I heard that only the top ten graduates can have the option of joining them."  
"It's not going to be easy for either of you." Mused Mr Carolina. "Three years is a very long time, are you sure you can both handle it?"  
"We wouldn't be enlisting if we couldn't Dad!" Giggled Mina. "Right f/n?"  
"Right." You grinned, reaching for the bread plate in the middle of the table before addressing her parents again. "Listen, I meant what I said earlier. If you need me to help out with any work during my stay, I'm more than happy to..."  
"That's very sweet of you to offer Dear." Smiled Mrs Carolina, cutting you off mid sentence. "However that won't be necessary, the best thing you and Mina can do is relax. I'm sure you won't be getting much down time once you join the Cadet Corps, so I suggest making the most of being free to enjoy yourselves while you still can."  
"Alright, I will...and thank you again for letting me stay here."  
"You're very welcome, now eat up before your food gets cold."  
Staring down at the appetising meal, you found yourself once again thinking of your mother.   
You missed the way the two of you would always sit down to eat together before your grandfather came home work, chat about your father and generally enjoy each other's company. After she died, you resorted to eating alone or not at all and would often find yourself skipping meals in an effort to put some distance between you and your grandfather. It was quite sad really that you sometimes ended up starving yourself or eating so quickly that you made yourself sick, so that you wouldn't have to be in the same room as him for more than a few minutes. Yet that had been your life for the past twelve months and as such, you had simply come to accept it as normal.  
Being here now with Mina and her parents, especially given how they had welcomed you into their home, made you long for the past on a level you couldn't even comprehend.   
Once again you found a strong sense of jealously and envy overcome you, something which you felt quite guilty about. It was not Mina's fault that you were denied the perfect little family existence that she had enjoyed for most of her life, she wasn't to blame for your grandfather's constant rejection or your mother becoming ill and being taken away from you too soon.  
Sighing and trying to push your dark thoughts to the back of your mind, you elected to simply enjoy the lovingly prepared home cooked meal and do your best to be a respectful guest to your generous hosts.   
  
As the last heat from the long day started to disappear from the dark blue night sky, luminescent silver rays from the bright moon above Karanese District broke through the thick grey cloud and cast their soft light down onto the land below, creating a picturesque scene of peace and tranquillity that served as a temporary distraction from the long and hard road the next three years of your life would take you down.  
Leaning on the simple wooden window ledge and staring out through the lead lined glass pane, you rested your chin on your palm and continued to observe the almost silent street, failing to notice the door open behind you.  
"Sorry about dinner." Smiled Mina apologetically, cautiously approaching you and halting on your right hand side. "I hope my parents didn't make you feel too awkward."  
"It's fine." You shrugged nonchalantly. "They are right though, I am taking a big risk joining the Survey Corps just to search for a man I've never met...I mean...who's to say he'll even believe that I'm his daughter anyway?"  
"Well, I'm assuming you have proof?"  
"The letters he wrote to my mother, this necklace he gave her." Reaching into your shirt, you retrieved the bear claw charm that you now always wore. "I just hope it's enough."  
"I'm sure it will be."  
"Is it wrong that I'm starting to have doubts?" You questioned, turning to face her. "What if we meet and he's not the man I'm expecting him to be? Or what if I'm the one who doesn't measure up to his expectations?"  
Mina shook her head and placed a hand on your shoulder, gently squeezing it in an effort to comfort you when you turned away from her and resumed staring out of the window.  
"Without sounding rude, I don't think he will have any expectations of you...especially since you said he has no idea you even exist."  
"What if he never even wanted children?" A mirthless laugh escaped your lips before you could stop it. "Who's to say he even remembers my mother?"  
"There is always that possibility." Mused Mina worriedly. "Although, I do think you're getting too worked up over this. I don't wanna sound rude but, he's a scout after all...by the time you graduate...he could be dead."  
Screwing your eyes shut, you lowered your head and shuddered violently, almost as if a sudden chill had overcome you.  
"I know." You murmured, remaining frozen in place. "That scares me more than anything..."  
"I'm sorry, I'm making things worse aren't I?"  
"No." Shaking your head, you opened your eyes and inhaled deeply, holding it for a moment before letting it out. "No, everything you're saying is true. It's a possibility I have to face, but I have to try and fulfil this promise to my mother. She wanted me to find my father, so I have to believe that he will survive the next three years."  
"Is that the only reason you're doing this?" She inquired, removing her hand from your shoulder and folding her arms. "Your promise to your mother?"  
"What?" Blinking rapidly, you looked back to face her again. "No of course not, I've never had my father in my life! I want to know who he is, I want the chance to at least meet him once."  
"I'm sorry f/n, but the way you talk...you make it sound like it's just all about your mother and your promise to her."  
Opening your mouth to answer, no sound emitted from your throat and you simply stood there dumbfounded. In spite of yourself, you reluctantly agreed with her to a certain extent.  
You were so obsessed with fulfilling your last promise to your mother, that you were losing sight of what was important, your main reason for wanting to join the Survey Corps in the first place...the desire to meet the man who was partly responsible for your existence so you could finally fill in the missing piece of the puzzle that was your life.  
"Mina, I'm not just doing this for my mother...I'm doing it for myself as well." You said calmly, finally finding your voice again. "You don't know what it's like to grow up without your father around, or to be rejected by your grandfather and have him say to your face that he wished you'd never been born."  
"I'm sorry f/n, I didn't mean to upset you..."  
"I know you didn't." You smiled sadly, cutting her off mid sentence. "Maybe I am a little too obsessed with fulfilling my promise, but my mother was the only person who was there for me when I was growing up. She was my entire world and I just don't want to let her down."  
"You won't!" Said Mina firmly, taking a step towards you and placing her hands on your shoulders, turning your body away from the window so that you now stood facing her. "When you told me of your plan to escape your grandfather, I was envious of how brave you were. I could never do a thing like that!"  
A light giggle escaped your lips, but apart from that, you remained silent and allowed her to continue.  
"If you do find any trace of your father and he's already dead, at least you tried...if he's still alive and he rejects you, then it's his loss!" Drawing a breath she looked into your eyes and stared deep into your e/c orbs. "Just make sure you don't let this obsession with your promise to your mother consume you to the point you lose sight of why you wanted to join the Survey Corps in the first place."   
Smiling and straightening your posture, you raised your head and nodded.   
"Thanks Mina, I needed that little pep talk."  
"Well don't get too worked up, it's getting late and we should probably try getting some sleep. Especially you since you were riding for most of the day, you must be exhausted."  
"Hmm, a little." You mused, rolling your eyes in contemplation and glancing out at the night sky again before your gaze flicked over towards your ruck sack and then back to the window.  
"Okay, well I'm going to bed. I'll see you in the morning."  
"Goodnight." You answered, watching her walk over to the bed and pull back the thin sheets before climbing in.  
Sighing and turning back to the window, you furrowed your brows and focused your attention on the sky as the clouds parted and the moon came into full view.   
The next three years were going to test you both physically and mentally, but if you survived to tell the tale and fulfil your childhood dream of becoming a scout like your father...then you were sure you could handle whatever life would throw at you after that, even if it meant failing to fulfil your promise to your mother. 


	6. Chapter 6

Year 847:  
  
For the first time in over a year, you finally felt like you were able to truly be yourself.   
Mina's parents had been more than gracious with the way they had treated you during your three days with them, in fact you were willing to go as far as saying you were treated more like family than a temporary lodger.  
They always greeted you with a smile and asked how you were, made sure you had enough to eat and drink during meal times and never once scowled at you or insulted you the way your grandfather had. It made you almost reluctant to leave, but you knew you had to.   
Your father was out there somewhere and you had a promise to keep, the Survey Corps was calling your name and you were obliged to answer.  
  
"F/n, Mina, time to get up girls!" Called Mrs Carolina from the bottom of the stairs. "Breakfast is on the table, hurry up and come down. It's enlistment day and the transport wagons taking you to the Cadet Corps leave the district at half past nine, not one minute later!"  
"Coming Mum!" Mina shouted back, pushing the thin bed sheets from her body and stretching her arms above her head.   
Rolling over and brushing your sleep ruffled h/l h/c hair from your face, you yawned and blinked rapidly in the bright sunlit bedroom.  
"Morning f/n!"  
"Hey, was that your mum calling us?" You asked, sitting upright and rubbing your eyes to try and clear your sleep marred vision.  
"Yeah, breakfast is ready."  
"Sounds good. So what time do we need to be leaving here to catch our ride to the Cadet Corps training camp?"  
"The transport wagons leave at half past nine from The Horse and Horn tavern on main street, we're about a ten minute walk away so we have plenty of time to eat and make sure all our stuff is packed."  
"Alright then."  
"F/n, Mina, hurry up!" This time however, Mrs Carolina sounded much sterner and there was the unmistakable sound of feet on wood growing closer with every passing moment. "You two better not still be asleep in there!"  
"We're awake Mum!" Replied Mina, rolling her eyes in annoyance and raising a giggle from you as the bedroom door suddenly opened.   
"Good Morning." You smiled brightly, standing up and proceeding to fold the fleece throw you had been using as a blanket.  
"Good Morning f/n." She replied with a nod, approaching you and relieving you of your task. "Never mind tidying up, it's half past seven. Get yourselves downstairs for breakfast, the two of you have a long journey to prepare for."  
"Are you and Dad coming to see us off?" Asked Mina curiously, making her way towards the bedroom door.  
"We won't be if you don't move yourselves and get your breakfast!" Scolded her mother, putting the now folded fleece throw down on the makeshift bed and moving her arms in a sweeping gesture towards her daughter. "Now go!"  
Giggling and shaking your head, you grabbed your friend's hand and led her from the room, closely followed by Mrs Carolina a moment later.  
  
"Hi Dad!" Smiled Mina brightly, taking a seat at the table next to him.   
"Good Morning." You greeted, glancing down at the appetising breakfast of sausage, egg and a fresh bread roll that Mrs Carolina had prepared for you.  
"Good Morning girls." Said Mr Carolina, looking up from reading his newspaper. "There's fresh tea in the pot, help yourselves."  
"Thank you." You replied, picking up your cutlery and proceeding to eat.  
"So, are you both looking forward to the start of your training today?"  
"Well technically that won't actually be doing anything until tomorrow." Mused Mina, reaching for the tea pot. "I think today is pretty much just being issued our uniforms and meeting our instructors."  
"I can't wait to try out the ODM Gear!" You giggled, swallowing down a mouthful of food. "Flying through the air like a bird, I bet it's incredible!"  
"Rather you than me Dear." Smiled Mrs Carolina, picking up her husband's empty plate and placing it in the sink. "I prefer to keep my feet firmly on the ground."  
"Yeah but it's in f/n's blood!" Stated Mina excitedly. "Her dad is a scout, so using ODM Gear should come naturally to her. Right f/n?"  
"Right!" You nodded confidently. "Hopefully it won't be too hard to master, from what I hear it's a combination of good balance and quick reflexes."  
Shaking his head and chuckling lowly, Mr Carolina folded his newspaper and placed it down on the table, regarding you and Mina with a neutral gaze.  
"Have you both finished packing?"  
"We did that last night, just a case of double checking everything."  
"Good, I take it you have your enlistment papers to hand? You'll need to show them before you're allowed to get on the transport wagons."  
"Mine are on my bedside table." Said Mina, glancing over at you. "Yours are in your bag right f/n?"  
"Huh?"  
"Your enlistment papers." Frowned your friend worriedly. "You did bring them with you right?"  
"Of course, they're in my bag...why, what about them?"  
"You'll need to present them before you're allowed to board the wagons." Explained Mr Carolina, tilting his head to one side as a concerned from spread across his features. "Are you alright f/n? You don't seem your usual self today?"  
"No, I'm fine." You smiled weakly. "Not quite sure whether I'm more nervous or excited that this is finally happening, it's a little too early for conflicting emotions."  
"I see. Well, as soon as you've both had breakfast, you can take yourselves back upstairs and make sure you have everything you need for when you leave."  
"Will do Dad."  
Silently nodding, you forced yourself to finish your food. Despite it being delicious, you forced it down like bad medicine to try and take your mind off the lie you had just told.  
Well, it wasn't a complete lie. While being partially true about your current conflicting emotions, it wasn't nerves and excitement that was currently clouding your mind...but thoughts of terror about what would happen if your abusive grandfather somehow found out where you were.  
Of course he already knew that you had plans to join the Cadet Corps after finding your acceptance letter before your mother died, however you had a slight advantage in the fact he had most likely thought that with the death of your mother, you had given up on the idea.   
Part of you you couldn't help but wonder if he was out searching for you, keen to shout and beat you to within an inch of your life.   
Shuddering violently, you vividly remembered how he had become rather fond of dishing out physical punishments after your mother's passing. Knowing full well he would never get away with so much as thinking about raising a hand to you when she was alive, he had been more than happy to make up for what he had been holding back, often slapping you around the head or face whenever the mood took him. However considering you had stolen from him and run away, there was no doubt in your mind that if he somehow managed to track you down, you were going to be taught a lesson you would never forget.  
"Are you finished f/n?"   
Blinking once and turning towards the source of the voice behind you, the smiling face of Mrs Carolina greeted you.   
"Would you like some more?"  
"No, I'm fine thank you." You replied, picking up your plate and standing to place it in the sink.   
"I'll do that Dear." She said, taking it from you. "Go upstairs and make sure everything is in order for when you leave."  
"Okay, thank you."  
"I'll be up in a minute." Said Mina around a mouthful of bread, looking around to see you making your way towards the door leading out of the kitchen.  
Affording her a nod, you left the kitchen and headed upstairs, blissfully unaware of the worried looks Mina and her parents exchanged once you were out of sight.  
"Mina, is f/n alright?" Whispered Mrs Carolina. "She seems very tense today?"  
"She was okay when she woke up." Mused Mina. "Maybe she's just nervous because now she's enlisting, she's one step closer to finding her father."  
"That may be so." Stated Mr Carolina. "However I feel she's in over her head, who's to say her father will still be alive if she successfully graduates in three years time?"  
"Keep your voice down!" Gasped his wife, shooting him a stern glare.  
"It's something she has to consider. Surely she's aware of this fact..."  
"I'm going to head upstairs to make sure I've got everything packed ready to leave." Said Mina, standing up from the table.  
"Alright dear, don't forget we're leaving here at nine o'clock." Smiled her mother. "That way you will have plenty of time to get to The Horse and Horn."  
"Yes Mum."  
Waiting until their daughter had left the room, Mr and Mrs Carolina continued their conversation.  
"F/n isn't obliged to tell us anything she doesn't want to discuss." Said Mrs Carolina sternly, yet there was a clear edge of concern was also laced into her tone as she spoke. "What right do we have to pry into her personal matters?"  
"We don't." Sighed her husband. "However, considering our own daughter is the same age as her...It's only natural to worry, especially considering her unique circumstances."  
"Well she's clearly made her mind up that this is what she wants and I doubt anyone could talk her out of it."  
"In that case, we should leave her be." Said Mr Carolina firmly, signalling that the current subject of discussion was now closed. "We aren't her parents and as such, we have no right to tell her what she can and can't do. Although I will finish by saying that I sincerely hope that her father does survive long enough for her to finally meet him."  
  
The bell tower at the heart of the district tolled loudly, the sound echoing around the walled city to alert its citizens to the time.  
Looking up from rummaging around in your rucksack, your breath caught in your throat, counting the number of chimes which announced the hour.  
"Nine." You frowned, pulling out your enlistment papers and making sure they were in order.   
"All set?" Asked Mina, picking up her own rucksack and slinging it over her left shoulder.   
"Yeah." You nodded, carefully folding the enlistment papers and putting them into your trouser pocket. "Do you have everything?"  
"I do, you?"  
"Same." You replied, drawing a deep breath and retrieving your rucksack. Exhaling deeply, you afforded her a sly smile. "Hmm...three...two...one..."  
"Mina, f/n, it's nine o'clock." Called Mrs Carolina from somewhere downstairs. "Time to go!"  
"Okay seriously, how do you just do that?" Laughed Mina, moving towards the door and opening it before looking back to you for an answer.  
"Well I have been living here for the past three days." You shrugged nonchalantly. "I noticed pretty quickly that your mum likes to stick to a routine...in fact it's almost borderline military style precision!"  
"Mina! F/n!"  
"We're coming Mum!"   
Shaking your head and allowing yourself a small giggle, you cast one last look around your friend's bedroom before leaving and closing the door behind you.  
"I'm sure going to miss this place." Sighed Mina. "Three years away from home, training to be soldiers..."  
"Having second thoughts?" You inquired, following her down the simple stairs.  
"No, just finding it a little hard to accept that this day has finally come. What about you?"  
"None whatsoever!"   
"Ah there you are." Said Mr Carolina, checking his pocket watch. "Right then, let's get you two girls to The Horse and Horn."  
Exchanging a confident glance, you and Mina nodded before leaving the house, closely followed by her parents.  
  
The walk through towards your destination was a rather peaceful one, save for the hustle and bustle of the main street running through the heart of the district.  
Merchant carts on their way to the market passed you by, not sparing you a second glance, while young children eagerly accompanied their parents to wherever they were planning on taking them.  
"Okay girls, we're here." Said Mrs Carolina, interrupting your wandering mind and drawing your attention back to the present.  
Looking in the direction she was pointing, you saw three horse drawn wagons patiently waiting on the left hand side of the street next to a building bearing a tattered wooden sign hanging from a metal pole above the door, naming the building as "The Horse and Horn."  
Standing behind the rear wagon, a man in a military uniform addressed the large crowd of adults and teenagers that were gathered around him.  
"Those of you who are enlisting for training, present your papers." He called out, trying to make himself heard above the loud chatter. "Once they have been checked, you will be free to board the wagons."  
Furrowing your brows, you felt a small ache in your heart at the sight of, who you presumed would soon be your fellow cadets, saying their goodbyes to their parents.  
The mothers cried and held their offspring close, making it nearly impossible for them to escape and fly the nest as it were. While their fathers looked on proudly, wishing them the best of luck and reminding them to write home regularly with updates on their progress.  
Clenching your fists enviously, you couldn't help but wish you could swap places with them.   
Your mother embracing you in her arms, muttering that she loved you and then warning you to behave yourself, make sure you ate all your meals and wrote home every chance you got? That was the one thing you had hoped for more than anything, for her to still be alive to see you off. It would've been perfect...well, almost.   
What would've truly made it perfect was if your father was there too. You could just imagine him having sought permission from the commander to take some time off from his scouting duties to wish you luck.  
Biting your lower lip to stifle a choked sob, you could just see him stood there in his uniform with the other recruits and their parents, an arm around your mothers shoulders, proudly smiling and offering you advice on how to survive the next three years. After that, he would hug you and tell you he loved you before the two of you exchanged a salute and you boarded a waiting wagon...but unfortunately, this perfect little fantasy would remain just that. A scenario doomed to forever remain in your thoughts and never come true.  
"Ten minutes to departure!" Yelled one of the Cadet Corps Instructors, causing you to jump at the sudden call, rapidly shaking your head to clear your mind. "Anyone else who is enlisting, have your papers ready for inspection."  
"F/n?"   
Turning to look behind you, the dull ache in your chest returned when you saw Mina and her mother tenderly embracing.   
"Are you alright?" Asked Mr Carolina, frowning in concern.   
"Yeah...yeah I'm fine." You stuttered, forcing a smile onto your lips. "I guess we'd better get our papers ready and head on over there before the leave without us. Although I just want to say..."  
"Yes?"  
Glancing over at Mina and Mrs Carolina when you noticed they had finally parted, you addressed the three of them together.  
"Thank you, for everything you've done over the past three days. You've been so kind to me and I just want you to know I really appreciate it."  
"Of course." He nodded, taking a step towards you and placing a hand on your shoulder, looking into your eyes. "Good luck f/n...I sincerely hope you manage to graduate and find your father."  
"Thank you, I'll do my best."  
"You're welcome to come and visit us any time." Looking to your right, you were surprised to see Mrs Carolina moving closer to you. Holding out her arms she afforded you a brief hug while Mina and her father said their goodbyes. "Good luck Dear, I'm sure you'll make your mother proud."  
"I'm certainly going to try." You muttered, returning her embrace .  
"Ready to go?" Asked Mina, appearing at your side and gently gripping your arm.  
"Yeah, let's do this!"  
"Goodbye Mum, Goodbye Dad, I love you both!" Called Mina, keeping one hand firmly on your arm and dragging you away towards the waiting convoy.  
"We love you too Sweetheart!" Sobbed her mother, allowing her husband to wrap an arm around her shoulders in an effort to comfort her. "Good luck!"  
Reaching the rear wagon, the two of you stopped in front of the instructor.   
"Names?" He questioned, staring down at the two of you rather intimidatingly.  
"F/n l/n and Mina Carolina Sir!" You answered, standing straight and placing your hands by your sides.   
"Enlistment papers?"  
Reaching into your pocket, you pulled out and carefully unfolded the requested item, watching the instructor nervously as he took it from you and inspected it.  
"Alright l/n, on the wagon."  
"Yes Sir!"  
Doing as you were told, you seated yourself and turned back to look at Mina.  
"Get on." Nodded the instructor, adding her enlistment papers to the growing pile he was holding.   
Helping Mina onto the wagon, you were quick to notice the instructor raise the back panel into place and lock it as soon as she was aboard.  
"That's all of them!" He shouted probably to his comrades who were most likely driving the other wagons in front of you. "Let's move out."  
"Oh boy here we go!" Squealed your friend excitedly. "Cadet Corps here we come!"  
The sound of hooves hitting the dusty ground was quickly followed by the wooden wheels of the wagon scraping against the loose stones beneath them as it started to slowly move forward along the main road.  
Turning to look behind you with your fellow recruits to wave at the assembled crowd of parents and friends who now stood together to see you all leave, the reality that you were all taking the first steps on the journey to becoming soldiers finally started to sink in.  
  
As the morning gave way to the afternoon, the fluffy white clouds that filled the bright blue sky shifted in the gentle breeze which rustled through the long blades of thick green grass below.  
The sound of horse's hooves clip-clopping off the beaten dirt track was almost drowned out by the excited chatter of the teenage passengers the wagons they were pulling, eagerly anticipating what awaited them when they finally reached their destination.  
"How many of us do you suppose there are?" Asked Mina, craning her neck to try and get a better look at the wagons ahead of her.   
"Well considering this is just the applicants from the Karanese District." You mused thoughtfully. "I'd say there will be a lot more than just us."  
"This convoy was just for the eastern region." Said a dusty blonde haired male to your right. "There will be others coming from the north, south and west."  
"So a lot of us then?"   
"Yeah...I'm Millieus Zeremski by the way." He smiled, offering a handshake to the two of you.  
"F/n l/n." You replied, accepting the gesture before leaning back to allow Mina to respond.  
"Mina Carolina."  
"Nice to meet you both, so which regiment are you planning to join?"  
"I'm trying for the Military Police and f/n wants to go to the Survey Corps."  
"Wow." Millieus's eyes widened marginally as he retracted his hand. "The scouts huh? Rather you than me, I'm hoping to join the Garrison."  
"Sounds good..." You smiled, however it soon disappeared when you happened to catch a glimpse of a merchant wagon out of the corner of your eye and noticed that it was being driven by a very familiar looking old man... "Oh fuck!"  
"What's wrong?" Asked Mina, her brows furrowing worriedly when you sank down in your seat and cowered behind her.   
"That merchant wagon that's coming up on the left, it's my grandfather!"  
"Really?"  
"Yeah so stay still, if he sees me I'm dead!"  
"Wait, are you running away from home to join the military?" Questioned Millieus, lowering his voice to a conspiratorial whisper so the other chattering occupants of the wagon wouldn't hear him.  
"Something like that." You muttered in reply, gripping Mina's shirt tightly and screwing your eyes shut, hoping that your grandfather wouldn't spot you as he drew closer.  
Swallowing hard, Mina risked a glance to her left when the wagon came level with the cross roads where he had halted, waiting for them to pass by.  
"Stay down, we're riding right by him!"   
"Got it."  
"Wow, he looks pissed!" Mused Millieus.  
"Oh trust me, that's normal for him." You scoffed, opening your eyes and looking up towards him. "The guy is a first class asshole! He treated me and my mum like dirt my whole life, I'd sooner be eaten by a titan than go back to living with him!"  
"No wonder you want to join the scouts!"  
Failing to fight back a small giggle, Mina grew serious once more and looked back towards your grandfather, shrinking back slightly when she noticed him glaring in the convoy's direction for a moment longer before flicking the reins of his horse and continuing on his journey.  
"Okay f/n, he's gone."  
"Thanks Mina." You smiled weakly, sitting up and risking a glance behind to see his wagon slowly making its way down a small track to what you assumed was a nearby hamlet settlement. "Damn, that old bastard! He just had to find a way to come back and haunt my ass one last time!"  
"Well he's gone now and we're half way to the Cadet Corps training camp. He didn't see you, so you can relax."  
Humming and nodding in response, you remained unable to tear your gaze away from the road your grandfather's wagon have travelled down. Furrowing your brows, you couldn't help but wonder if he had informed the Military Police of your disappearance and ordered them to find you, or simply decided to carry on with his life as normal...the way he had when your mother died.  
Either way, it didn't matter now. The important thing was that you were finally free of him and that, was all that was all that truly mattered to you.  
  
Arriving at the Cadet Corps training camp in the middle of the afternoon, you and the other recruits were immediately sent off to the quartermaster's cabin to pick up your uniforms and be assigned to your sleeping quarters, after which you were sent straight out to the main parade square.  
"Alright you lot, fall in and remain silent unless spoken to!" Ordered one of the instructors, standing at the forefront of the assembled mass.   
Swallowing hard, you're e/c eyes nervously flicked around to subtly take in what was to be your new home for the next three years.  
The Cadet Corps parade ground was set in a large crater of sorts, surrounded by mountains and pretty much in the middle of nowhere. Surrounding the parade square were the accommodation blocks where you and your fellow recruits would be spending most of your downtime, as well as the instructors accommodation, mess hall and quartermaster's office.   
You'd already noticed upon arrival that there was a large flat training area to the left of the main camp, along with a large forest that stretched for miles to the north, most likely the location where most of your ODM Gear manoeuvre training would take place.  
Despite knowing you should be keeping your ears open for further orders from the instructors, you found your mind wandering off on a tangent.  
It was hard to believe that you were finally here, standing on the very parade ground where your father had stood as a young recruit so many years before. A small sense of pride that you were following in his footsteps filled you, even though he had no idea that you existed, the stories your mother used to tell you about him made you feel like you already knew him...  
"Straighten those spines piss heads!"  
Barely suppressing a terrified squeak, you crashed back to the present with a very unpleasant bump when a harsh gravelly voice echoed across the otherwise silent parade square.   
"The 104th Cadet Corps boot camp starts now!"  
A tall intimidating man stepped forward to stand at the front of the assembled recruits, his small grey eyes framed by dark circles which stood out against his tanned skin stared steely across each and every recruit, if you were nervous before...you were certainly on the brink of shaking like a leaf about to be picked up and twirled around in a strong wind now you had seen who the terrifying voice belonged to.  
"Allow me to introduce myself, I am Commandant Kieth Shadis and you will grow to hate me!" He continued, not even blinking or stopping for breath. "Training is going to be a white knuckle ride through hell! If I've done my job right, you'll be waking up in a cold sweat from memories of this place every night for the rest of your miserable lives!"  
Holding your head high, you swallowed down the forming lump in your throat. At that moment in time you weren't sure which you would rather face, this man, your grandfather...or a horde of titans.  
"Right now you're nothing, livestock! But over the next three soul crushing years, you'll learn to take down your own Goliath. Remember this moment when you come face to face with it, cos here's where you ask yourself...am I a fighter? Or am I feed? Am I going to be ground up to pulp and human gristle between boulder sized incisors? Or am I gonna be the one to bite?"  
Narrowing your eyes, you gritted your teeth and remained facing forward with the rest of the recruits.   
 _'Oh I know exactly what I am!'_ You growled internally. _'I've already ditched my grandfather and made it this far...I'm a fighter, like my father!'_


End file.
